Letter No. 1

I feel like your Mom has been pregnant with you forever, we are both so excited for you to get here. Last week we did everything we could to get you here on your due date (October 19th). ex. long walks, yoga. But God made us wait till this morning Oct. 24th, 2011 at 0230 for your mother’s water to break. We arrived at the hospital at 0330, got into the room you will be born in at 0630, and have been waiting patiently since. Our doctor, Dr. Lee came by around 0800 and checked your Mom out and said that she was 3cm dilated. At 5cm is when she will get the epidural, and 10cm is when she will begin to push for you to begin your journey into the real world. You will be cold when you first come out because momma has been keeping your warm for the past 9 months, but you will be just fine, your Mom and I are here for you all the way. I am so excited about being a father, especially of a baby girl. When I was a kid I always wanted a baby sister but was blessed with two younger brothers instead. As I got older the want for a baby sister turned into wanting to have a girl when I found my right women-- your mother. I’ve seemed to always known that my first child would be a girl, and today my dream will come to reality. I’ve thanked God for your mother since the night we went on our first date (October 18th, 2008). I always tell people that your mom was my 30th birthday present from God. We have been together ever since, and now three years later my 33rd birthday present (you), is almost here, and I’ve thanked God for you since the day your mother first told me she was pregnant. In 2008 right before I met your mom I was living in Houston, Tx, where I had been since September 9th 2001 after being released from active duties in the U.S. Army. I lived in Houston and worked as a personal trainer till September 14, 2008. I left Houston to come to Kansas City, Kansas after losing everything in hurricane Ike. My intentions where not to stay here, just to wait for the power to come back on in Houston then head back to clean up and start working again. The day after I got here I was offered a job as a personal trainer at the Gold’s Gym in Merriam, Kansas, and worked there till about a week ago. When your mother first told me she was pregnant with you we owned the juice-bar at our gym and we worked 6 days a week from 6a-9p or later, and had been doing that consistently for a year and a half. I knew we would have to change things before bringing you into the world so we made plans to give the juice-bar back to the gym for them to manage again. The biggest reason was not cause your mom was pregnant, it was because we felt as if no one at the gym, meaning the staff, was there to help, seemed to me that they were there to do the opposite. So as a result we decided to work on plans to better our future in other ways so that we could provide the best home possible for you. So figuring out first that personal training here in KC was not gonna be the best way for me to provide for us, I decided to enroll in the Associates for Computer Science/Information Systems program at Metropolitan Community College, just up the street from where we live. After being in school for the past 3 months, I realized that I should have went to school sooner, but that’s what is so good about life, you live and you learn. A saying my parents always told me was “better late than never!” I feel so excited to meet you soon. I promise to be the best father I can be, and to teach you everything God has taught me over my lifetime this far. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in my life is to never give up. You will be faced with many difficult times through out your life and you will have to choose to either face them or turn the other way. My advice is, you are a Jackson and Jackson’s face the difficulties life brings head on. Everything I’ve learned has come from following this advice given to me by my Grandfather, Grandmother, and Mother. I promise to be right with you during all the difficult times and I know your mother will be there as well. God always disguises his blessings and teachings as difficulties. You see difficulties are there to teach and bless us so not facing them doesn’t teach anything, it just makes them more difficult. I promise to teach you how a real man loves a women by always being there for your mother. You see your mother is my right women, put here on earth specifically for me, by God. Your mother and I are completely committed to each other no matter what, which in this day in age, the love we share is very hard to find. I promise to be there for you and your mother no matter how hard it gets or how easy it is. I really feel like your mother is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. She is the strongest women I have ever met. She has to be, to be with me lol. Even though we have only been together just over three years we committed ourselves to each other and only each other almost as soon as we first met. I knew the second I saw her that we were going to be together forever. Its like God hit me in the head with a hammer and said “That’s her! Now go get her...” So that’s what I did. Over the past 9 months I’ve often wondered if when this day came, would I be scared, but I have to say the being scared is not my feeling at all. The only way I can describe it is excited, and I know I probably sound like a broken record for saying that but its true, I am truly excited for you to get here. I know for a fact that your mother and I will be great parents because of our relationship with God. Romans 8:28 says “all things work together for good for those who love Christ”. I claim that promise from God more than any other, and it has got me through the toughest times. In the Bible God says that he will never put us through more than we can handle, and that even if in the human viewpoint it seems like punishment, if we are in fellowship with Him then it is actually blessing from Him, and is there to teach us and make us stronger. My goal for the rest of my life is to constantly learn and grow in the Lord, to become the best leader for you through God as I can. That means I am committed to always studying and learning Bible doctrine so that God can teach you through me. I promise you that I will not leave it up to your school teachers to teach you. I will teach you as much as I can, so that you are confident when headed to your first day of school. I will protect you and your mother the best I can from harms way. You mean the world to me already and your not even here yet. Another thing I’m so excited about is being called Dad. When I was growing up my father was never around, but my Grandfather was. I really respected him for what he taught me and even though my father wasn’t there my Grandfather stepped up and taught me the most important lessons I could have ever learned. Lessons I still carry with me today. He was my role model he taught me what my real father did not. One of the biggest lessons grandpa ever taught me was 1 John 1:9. 1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our [known] sins, he [God] is faithful and righteous to forgive us our [known] sins and to cleanse us from all [unknown, or forgotten sins] unrighteousness.” That is the only way we can be filled with the Holy Spirit and ready to learn Bible Doctrine from the Word of God. “God in spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in [the filling of the] spirit and [biblical] truth.” (John 4:24) Grandpa also said that if I didn’t already believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior, then naming my sins is not the issue, the issue then is faith alone in Christ alone. “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey [the command to believe in] the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.” (John 3:36) Its around 1p and Dr. Lee just left, she said that your mother has not dilated very much since we first came in this morning so its time to administer a drug that will speed up the process. I’m guessing you will be here before 6p today, that’s just a guess though we will see soon. Your mother said that the contractions are slowly becoming more painful, but she is relaxed and resting as much as possible. Before we found out we were pregnant, one of your mother and my favorite things to do was to go for an hour walk outside everyday. We used that our walk to get away from everyone and everything except us. For me it was a way to connect with her and to find out how everything was going that day. We would always start by confessing (1 John 1:9) and then talking about what ever came to our minds. We will get back to these walks as soon as possible and you will be with us from now on. When we get you home in a couple of days we will introduce you to what I call our other two babies. I call them our babies but in reality they are our pets and best friends. One is a miniature Dachshund named Indiana and the other is our new Chihuahua named Coco. They will surly love you but will probably be jealous at first because you will demand more of our attention that has usually gone towards them. Its now around 1:45p and the contractions are getting stronger and closer together. Shouldn’t be very long now. As soon as you are out I’m going to have to get your mother something to eat. The only thing she is allowed to eat is ice not very filling. She has been complaining about being hungry, and I felt so bad this morning because I had to eat in front of her cause I did not want to stay down in the cafeteria. One of the things that has kept us both smiling all day is her nasty farts. Don’t get me wrong, they are usually pretty gross but there has got to be something in the IV giving her the repulsive gas that she keeps waving from under the covers, or maybe its from you, I don’t know exactly but still pretty funny. One of the things your mother will teach you over time is how a women treats her right man. Your mother takes better care of me than I could of myself without her I’d be lost completely. No matter what happens I know your mom is there for me. She is my best friend the one person I can tell anything, without fear of being judged. I knew she was my right women as I said before, the minute i first laid eyes on her. From day one, she always works to help me, in fact one of her biggest worries since we have been together is, not being able to help me enough, but she always does. I never want to be anywhere without her. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she trusts me with all her heart, and there is nothing I would ever do to jeopardize that trust. Her trust fuels me to always become better and to always work harder. Since we have been together all I have wanted to do is trust in God to lead me in the right direction so that I am able to take the best care of our family as I possible. It’s now ten minutes after two and Melissa just asked me when should she take the epidural. I told her to wait about five more contractions to see how much more painful they feel since her pain right now is at a six out of ten. I just think if she took the epidural now and the contractions get a lot more painful she might not feel very much of a difference in pain after another five contractions, but if she waits and has the epidural when her pain is around an 8 or nine then she should have some relief, but what do I know I’ve never had a contraction or an epidural. It’s 2:30p now and Melissa just told the nurse she wants the epidural so its getting closer. The nurse is about to check to see how dilated momma is now. It’s around 4cm now so the medicine is working and epidural is on the way. 3:20p epidural is in and momma is feeling much better, she described her pain level as a three now instead of a six or seven. Now its just time to wait for her to dilate about six more centimeters, then it will be time to start pushing you through the birth canal and out to the comfort of your mother and my arms. I’m just here to help your mother feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible, my way of doing that is having a relaxed mental attitude myself through confession and claiming God’s promises. The nurse just asked me if I thought I would cry once you were out to which I replied “I don’t think so, I really only cry when I’m sad, and to me this is not sad its exciting.” I can’t wait to meet you in person and finally see what you look like. Up untill now your mother felt your every move, soon I will get to hold you close so that I can feel and see you wiggle around and get use to your new surroundings. All day long I have listened to your heart rate as well as a bunch of annoying bells and dings, which I’m sure you can hear also. Sitting here looking at your mother, I feel myself falling even more in love with her because of her strength. I can’t imagine the strength it must take to carry a baby for nine months, and she is carrying you, my baby girl, my little Lola. I love her so much, and often find myself thinking what did I do to deserve such an amazing women, the only answer I know is, nothing. God’s grace is the only answer to every blessing in my life, so thank you God for bringing me my right women Melissa, your mother. 4:00p time for the catheter no more getting up to potty, and momma is now dilated to 6cm, 4 more to go. Contractions are now 2-4 minutes apart. The only complaint from momma is hunger, understandable since she hasn’t eaten since 8p last night. I told her as soon as you are here and everything is settled I will go get her what ever she wants to eat. i think it will be a cheeseburger and some fries, her favorite. Twelve and a half hours after getting here and an hour after the epidural, your mom is still strong. I was just thinking that KU Med has been amazing, every doctor and nurse that has help us has been so helpful and nice to us. The twelve plus hours have actually been a joy. This is not at all what I pictured before we got here. I guess I really didn’t know what to expect, your mother being in a lot more pain, would have to be my first surprise, but she is a trooper, like I said before the strongest women I’ve ever met. I’m so proud of her right now. We were just talking a little while ago about our little doggies, momma said she missed them, so I called our landlord Melissa, who is watching the little boogers until we get home. Melissa said she has been playing with them and that they were doing just fine. I’m sure she is spoiling the hell out of them, every time Indiana is outside and Melissa comes out, he just goes crazy, and of course she rewards his excited behavior with endless petting and her own excitement. It sure takes a load off our shoulders having Melissa there to take care of them though. Also the nurse told me that one of the things I should do tomorrow when I go back to the house is take the first hat that they put on you and let Indiana and CoCo sniff it so when we get you home they will already have your sent. 530p and momma is dilated 10 centimeters now and its time to breath through each contraction, Dr. Lee should be here soon and then you will follow, I can’t wait. Momma is ready as well and a little emotional about the big moment, she said that she can’t believe that you are almost here. Finally you are here and everything went great. You were born October 24, 2011 at 6:18p. You weigh 8 pounds 9 ounces, and are 21.25 centimeters long. Your mom pushed you right out like a champ, once she started pushing through the contractions it only took about 5 contractions to get you out. I was able to cut the umbelical cord, and you are the most adorable little girl I’ve ever seen. When you came out I felt this sense of relief come over me, one for your mother to be through the most painful part and the other for you to finally be here. Now its time to rest and let mommy heal, I think she will be able to leave in a couple of days and we will have you home. I feel so blessed to have you here, also that everything went so smoothly. I’m so proud of your mom for being so strong-- she made it look so easy. October 24, 2011